Watch and Learn. And Visit A&E…

Just ordered a skateboard for a (nearly) six year old, tweeted a virtual pal of mine. This isn’t going to end well…

It’ll be fine, I reassuringly tweeted back. Unless, of course, your OH jumps on it and says, ‘Watch and learn…’

Says the voice of experience, she replied.

Sadly, she’s right. And I have the scars – and the stamps on my A&E loyalty card – to prove it.

Twenty or so years ago – the years when I didn’t fall lovingly on every pair of trousers with an ‘athletic’ waist – I played squash.

Jane and I had been living together for four days when they phoned from the sports centre. “He’s crashed his head into the wall. We think he may need to go to A&E.” [Read more…]

A Right Hash…

It started with the Shepherd’s Pie. All downhill from there…

Let’s be honest. Anyone can cook Shepherd’s Pie. It’s not difficult. We’re not in twice-baked soufflé territory.

So how did I make such a complete cock-up? How did I get it so disastrously wrong? So wrong that even the dog had second thoughts…


Jessica was watching me.

Home from university for the weekend, the Beloved Daughter was lounging in the kitchen. She has a new expression. It roughly translates as, ‘When I knew nothing about cooking I thought you were quite competent. Now I can knock up a Sunday roast while simultaneously writing a 2,000 word essay I realise you’re – frankly – pathetic.’ [Read more…]

Who’s the Adult Here?

I must have been to a hundred.

But suddenly I’m on the home straight. More than that – I’m over the last and heading for a bag of oats.

At the most there are four to go. Maybe even three. Then they’re gone. Never to return.

I refer, of course, to every parent’s favourite way of spending a winter’s evening. The parent/teacher meeting.

The children came home with a crumpled letter from school. Head lice? Not this time. Extortion demand for a field trip? Nope, your money’s safe for another week. So it must be the parent/teacher evening.

“Who shall I make an appointment with?” [Read more…]